Minimalism

Minimilizm is the new “cool trend “. I like to think of it as less stuff to clean personally . I read the marie kondo book back when i was nesting with my last child and I went to a whole new level of organization .. which quickley fell wayside as i started to get back into regular life after the baby .

I come from a family of hoarders, people who could find a use for anything and who would also buy things for that  sense of happiness you get from that new product / outfit /decoration . Except the things they were holding onto to use , were never used and  piled up, The new things they bought quickly lost the elusive fulfillment they brought . I always had both these tendencies , however as I am in the ” teenage hood ” I am certanly more thoughtful about what I am bringing into home .

 

There are a few things I do not minimize / Do not Bother minimizing –

1 ) Pictures , letters, things of that nature. I have these things messily compiled into an old suitcase .I always think about maybe putting them into albums or organizing them but there is some real satisfaction in sifting through all these memories by hand .

2) Junk Drawer . Not to say that I never minimize it , I just don’t bother getting irked when I open the drawer and its chaos – if i can even get it open . So those 17 pens , 14 batteries no one is sure actually works and mail that might be important but we are not sure .. is safe for now.

3) My books – I did do a purge a few years ago and it was horrible . I love all my books read or not. They were all hand picked by me for whatever reason and I just love them all . Never going to force myself to purge again !

4) My random array of notebooks .  my notebooks are a billion ( or possibly 50 ) spiral bound books of random things. It could be something i was into at the time taking notes on , or inspirational quotes or recipes or just doodles. Kind of like a journal I suppose. I did at one time try and condense them and that was not pretty . So now I have them on a bookshelf to thumb through whenever I like .

5) My 2000 screenshots . I thought about purging this particular category especially a few years ago when my phone kept telling me I had no space left on my phone . This is like my virtual spiral bound notebooks . I keep memes , recipes  , things i like  , things i want to read and things i want to make . I love being able to refer to it and even add it to my pinterest board if I feel like it .

 

Other than that it is a free for all for the rest of the house . Basically I live by that infamous quote from fight club  ” the things you own end up owning you ” .

 

 

 

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Saudade

Perusing some of my other blogs that I had forgotten about I came to this. Still sad. Alway Mourning. But in an alternative way.  Looking at the picture with that country wall paper and all the wicker crap that my mother loved so much . I can remember every inch of that kitchen . I can remember playing crazy 8’s until 3 am in the summer passing out on the kitchen table . I can remember taking baths in the sink . I can remember eating some weird fish dinner that was encrusted in dough which then was decorated to look like a fish . I can remember putting more sugar on my cheerios when my parents turned their backs and my father yelling at me to not watch the eggs cooking in the microwave bubble up because I will ” get cancer” . I don’t recall the picture but that wall paper I can .  

Saudade

Saudade – ” Is a Portuguese or Galacian term for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost . it often carries an fatalit tone and repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return . It was once described as the ” love that remains” or the love that stays after someone is gone . ”

Mothers day is here. Usually I would spend my day trying to feel happy while also feeling so sad , and abandoned  and lonely and jealous.

But Not today.

I feel like i have been on some sort of weird journey to maturity .

So today I will reflect on my mother  :

My mother , the ripped jeans wearing , david bowie loving thrifting maniac. The organic gardening gardener ( before it was a big thing ). The animal loving , crafting maniac she was. Although as tweenager I never asked for her advice , because as we know , tweens know everything , I did hear her giving advice often , to many people including my own friends. She had a way about her like she already knew everything or had a way around whatever boulder was in her or others way .

As a parent , I know , well think , she had the best intentions.

Her last words were written on a piece of paper. ” I love you , have a good life”

I can never imagine in my almost 15 years of being a parent could I ever leave knowing I would never see my family again with ” I love you have a good life ” .

I wish I had all these great things to say , but unfortunately as I tried to think of a nice little story to post with this little blog post I came up empty. I really cant think of a great story to tell of a specific time she did something wonderfully motherly.

Which should make me sad , and it did for a very long time until I realized it was the things after that made me feel more loved than when she was here on this planet.

Like when I was laying in my bed crying silently in so much pain because I could feel my heart breaking ( and even as i write this that feeling came back ) begging for a sign to know she was still here ,i looked at my bed and saw the shape of someone sleeping under the blankets – and I was terrified.

Or when I hear her favorite songs come on the radio , I feel like it is a reminder of ” I am still here ” .

Or when I see Hailie gardening and she is bent over sowing some seeds its like looking at my mother in her garden just for a  moment until she stands up straight.

Sometimes its the cool breeze I feel on my shoulders , like right now .

Sometimes its the red cardinals I see in my yard.

And sometimes its when the most ridiculous things that I never thought in a million years could happen , happen . I feel like she has her spiritual hand in that .

I feel like all the bad things I have had happen in my life were a reminder to me that I did that to myself and had i done the right thing all good things would come to me.

Is this all a reality or something my mind does to soothe me? It doesn’t really matter to me anymore , because it does soothe me. It makes me feel less like my heart is breaking . It makes me try to remember fond moments or quirks. I think about my mom almost every day . I miss her ,  and there are some days I wish she was here to answer my questions or to help me when I feel so lost , and google can’t even help me .

I really believe that everyone is supposed to have a journey. Some people persevere. Some people falter. Some people just exist. Some people rely on another to validate them. Some people rely on only themselves.

I have been all of those people at one point in time and as surely as the sun sets every night I am sure I will be again. Hopefully through the ups and downs I still feel the quiet touches of my mother that make me feel like she may physically be gone , but spiritually she is right here.

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Law of attraction Anticipation

I have been practicing the law of attraction since 2011 . I came upon some very difficult times and with having 0 money to do anything I turned to the internet to figure out what to do . I am a realist , I have seen the hokey with this ” Law of attraction ” stuff , or the secret. I do not think by shouting ” And so it is ” is going to change your life . I do however notice principals within these books/blogs  that we all could certainly use in our own life. Principles I use , or at least try to ,  to gain momentum and satisfaction in my life .

An excellent part of the law of attraction is anticipation. Anticipation is a big part of guiding your mind to ” receive ” . When I say receive ,the way I interpret it is to change your mindset so that you can start to see things in a way that will propel you towards what you want .

I hear stories of how people would sit in front of a home they wanted and think about what life would be like living there. I did this . I coveted a home in a specific neighborhood . I walked by everyday taking in all the surroundings of not only the house , but how i would feel in this particular neighborhood. I am currently writing this post from that very home.

I think a big part of this whole ask , believe , receive is the anticipation factor. Think of how you felt when you started dating someone , how you felt when they would call or text. Pure excitement. You must have some seriously strong feelings in order to get this to work .

I notice in my case I manifest the best when I act like i already have something .  Not to long ago I woke up feeling very confident I was about to come into some money , had no idea where it was to come from , but it was a palpable feeling.Instead of brushing it off like I usually did i just rolled with it . Acted like i had this sum of money and that my current bill situation was all set. The next day I got a text telling me I needed to go get a check from an inheritance and I was genuinely creeped out !  Coincidence? Maybe  . Am I a witch who can see the future , doubtful ( although I wish ) .

I am a big proponent of change the way you think change your life . These are a few  things I do to help me with that anticipation feeling  :

  • Write down what you really want . When you get it out and on to paper it seems more real then just thinking about it . This way you can refine , cross out , re-do until what you want is clear and concise .This will help clarify what it is your looking for and in doing so you will start to notice things you may have not noticed before .
  • When you have your ” vision ” try to imagine what it would look like living the way you want or having the things you want . If you are trying to manifest money , think of how it would look and feel to have that money . What would you do ? What do you think that you with this money would know or feel ? Who would you help first? What would you be grateful for ? Gratitude is a big part of this which I will talk more about in another post .
  • How can you in this moment start to act like you have what you really want ? When i was trying to manifest money I opened another checking account online . This account was for me to save money and to put any proceeds from anything I have done to make money outside of my full time job . My biggest thing I wanted was to never overdraft my bank account ever again . Once I had this account I would pop in 5-10 dollars from my own account and put any proceeds from things I sold , random checks I would get in the mail anything. I tried to live within my means but having that buffer of even a few hundred dollars in another account gave me such a sense of comfort and richness even if there was only 100 dollars in there.
  • You cant wait for the time to be right , but there will never be a right time. I struggle with this , even with this blog. I love writing , but I think I bounce around so much I would confuse people so i always thought about it but just never did it.. until now. I feel like if I am going to try and help people be the best they can be I just have to go for it , so as you are reading this now , this is me manifesting my own hope of helping people. So read this and then sit down and write. Feel it , embrace it ,imagine it . Convince your mind you already have it and your interpretation of things will start to change . Once this process starts it will be hard not to see things in a way that will be beneficial for what you really want out of this life.

 

” The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. ”

Ralph waldo Emerson 

 

 

 

 

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Pep talk Quote

I believe this is an Irish poem – I just love it !

 

When things go wrong as they sometime will
when the road your trudging seems all uphill .
When the funds are low and debts are high
and you want to smile but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit – Rest if you must
But do not quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
as everyone of us sometimes learns,
and many fellows turn about when he might have won
had he just stuck it out
Don’t Give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow

often the goal is nearer than it seems
to a far and faltering man often the shiggler has given up when he might have captured the victors cup
and he learned to late when night came down , how close he was to the golden crown .

success id failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
and you can never tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems afar
so stick with the fight when you are hardest hit –

Its when things get seem worst you mustn’t quit .

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Curating Yourself

The word curate is such a fluid beautiful word. Whenever I think about a task I need to do , I think automatically to ” how will I curate this ?” Pictures , lists , the refrigerator , you name it I want to curate it .

I came to think of how I could curate myself . There are so many different aspects of one’s life that it gets overwhelming . I was immediately overwhelmed with all the different categories. ” Efficiency , wardrobe , tidiness , attitude , productivity , health , life love , business”  the lists go on and on –

My ultimate goal is not perfection my ultimate goal is to move beyond where I am at daily . I have so many aspirations , but yet lack the inspiration to go forward with any of them – so I decided to take all these weird things I have scoured over the internet and place them here so I can have a place to review all the things I would like to curate in my life , and hopefully be able to reflect and change as I learn more about things.

 

knit

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First blog post

This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

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